ONE MAGIC CLASSROOM AIRLINES
(Sponsored by Moldy Meatball Chewing Gum)
Meet Stephen Sausage-Patty, our newest employee at One Magic Classroom Airlines (he ate a sour doughnut before work today and puked it up in the employee bathroom).
Welcome to One Magic Classroom Airlines (O.M.C.A.)! We're dedicated to not only making sure you have a safe and enjoyable flight, but a relaxing one as well. A few things to keep in mind before entering the "magic" of One Magic Classroom Airlines:1) Have your passport ready.
2) If you are bringing a pet on the plane, make sure they are wearing a life jacket (there are a variety of Moldy Meatball sizes and styles available).
3) No donkeys allowed on the plane until further notice. Last week a donkey got sick on the plane (management isn't happy).
SECURITY CHECK!
Dale Creepy
Dale Creepy: 48 years of service for O.M.C.A.
(Sorry Laurel Sprengelmeyer, I may have "repurposed" your high school art project I found in dad's attic into a security checkpoint…OOPS!).
Dale Creepy
Dale Creepy: 48 years of service for O.M.C.A.
(Sorry Laurel Sprengelmeyer, I may have "repurposed" your high school art project I found in dad's attic into a security checkpoint…OOPS!).
Meet Dale Creepy and Mindy Moody-Pants. They'll be assisting you through the security line at O.M.C.A. With over 48 years of service, Dale Creepy is sure to creep you out. He'll be making sure you're not bringing on any sharp objects or dirty diapers, both of which will be confiscated immediately and destroyed in our "Destruction Room" where a championship wrestler will interrogate you (he's big and tan). Mindy Moody-Pants will be making sure no liquids are brought on the plane, such as any soft drinks other than Moldy Meatball affiliated drinks.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL…WITH A SIDE OF "SASS-I-TUDE"
Paul Pancake: 72 years of service at O.M.C.A.
P.S. Disregard the reflection of the projector (it is supposed to look like a real runway).
Paul might not be the most punctual (that means "on time," kids) of our employees, but he sure knows how to control the runway once he arrives. With over 72 years of experience, he's a real runway gem. He'll sadly be retiring this fall though (his knees are bad). Party to be announced soon, though rumor has it, it will most likely be at Kim Parson's Creepy Pizza Ranch on HWY 10 (next to The Dilly Mart and Mama Fry-Fry's Fish Joint).
PASSPORT PLEASE!
Don't forget to take a really cute passport photo. You'll have it for the next 10 years (yeah GURL!). We researched different countries and even learned new fancy vocabulary (nationality, expiration, and surname), while navigating an informational text.
Emily's first trip to Latvia!
(Photo courtesy of Speedy Meatball Passports INC.)
Don't forget to take a really cute passport photo. You'll have it for the next 10 years (yeah GURL!). We researched different countries and even learned new fancy vocabulary (nationality, expiration, and surname), while navigating an informational text.
O.M.C.A. is dedicated to ensuring a safe flight. Make sure you have your passport ready at the gate to assure the validity of your citizenship and that you have never committed a major crime (such as stealing any Moldy Meatball affiliated items). Be prepared to answer any and all questions. If you are suspect of any suspicious behavior you may be asked to enter the "Dungeon Interrogation Room" (which really is a dungeon in the basement of our airport......and it smells). Take a look at who you will be dealing with below if you should be interrogated.
SALLY SASSAFRAS
Meet Sally Sassafras: 62 years of service at O.M.C.A. I'm pretty sure she's worked here this long because her dad runs this place (and don't tell her I said that, because I still want to sit at her lunch table).
ENOUGH WITH THE AIRLINES ALREADY. HOW WAS THE TRIP?!
I thought you'd never ask.
AWESOME!
Parker and Chandlarita's first trip to TOKYO, JAPAN (yeah we dressed Chandler as a girl for this photo, so I thought Chandlarita was more a more fitting name).
This is a photo of Parker yelling at Braydon for taking the photo too early, while "Chill Chandlarita" is trying to calm him down. FYI Parker--the Iowa Hawkeyes and purple and pink kimono don't really go well together (that was SO last year).
"The mountains were amazing!" - Parker
"I loved the SHOPPING best! Except for when I spilled the BBQ sushi on my new green dress, UGH!" - Chandlerita
AWESOME!
Parker and Chandlarita's first trip to TOKYO, JAPAN (yeah we dressed Chandler as a girl for this photo, so I thought Chandlarita was more a more fitting name).
This is a photo of Parker yelling at Braydon for taking the photo too early, while "Chill Chandlarita" is trying to calm him down. FYI Parker--the Iowa Hawkeyes and purple and pink kimono don't really go well together (that was SO last year).
"The mountains were amazing!" - Parker
"I loved the SHOPPING best! Except for when I spilled the BBQ sushi on my new green dress, UGH!" - Chandlerita
Take a look at an excerpt from Parker's journal entry. I chose this one because it mostly complains about the horrible experience at O.M.C.A. and doesn't mention much about Japan. Go figure. Either way, it's a lot more fun to write from the perspective of a O.M.C.A. patron.
Dear Journal,
One Magic Classroom airlines is the worst ever! First they said we had to wait an hour before we got on the plane. As a matter of fact, the whole flight was cancelled! There was a bad storm with hail, rain, and snow, so we had to stay overnight. My friends Braydon and Jacob even had to sleep in the bathroom. It was not fun at all! But we made things exciting by roasting marshmallows and drinking hot cocoa in the middle of the night. Dale Creepy was really CREEPY. He kept staring at me, so I gave him the Parker evil eye back."
Note to reader: Parker continues on for an entire page about the horrible service at O.M.C.A. Unfortunately we were told by management at O.M.C.A. to take the rest of his journal entry down.
My cousin Kim and I (circa 1991). Can you tell who is whom? P.S. I totally got the pink sweatsuit FIRST, Kim :)
What you learned from today's lesson:
- Dale Creepy is totally a creeper.
- You'll need a passport to travel anywhere outside the country. If you're 16 or older, it will be valid (good for) 10 years. If you're under 15 years of age, your passport is only valid for 5 years. That requires not just knowing the fancy vocabulary, but also how to navigate the document, my friends.
- Look for ways to repurpose your sibling's art projects. You don't need to ask -- that's why they are in the attic after all...right?
One final sentimental thought....
My cousin Kim and I (circa 1991). Can you tell who is whom? P.S. I totally got the pink sweatsuit FIRST, Kim :)
As I was uploading photos for this blog entry, it occurred to me that I really haven't changed much since I was in 3rd grade. I was reminded of the home videos my cousin Kimi and I used to make as kids. Most of those videos involved my brother and his friends dressing up as pro-wrestlers and throwing after-holidays clearance Easter candy at the winners, but I'll never forget those moments.
I'm still making these home movies...only with an entire group, and yeah we're capturing something magical here and sharing it with the world. I hope when my 3rd-graders look back on their school memories, they'll think of Dale Creepy or Chandler in a 70s vintage dress I found in my closet. Chances are they won't remember the phonics skill sheets that we had to do, but they'll remember the moments they were simply allowed to be kids and the curious spontaneity that the state of being a child offers.
I'm still making these home movies...only with an entire group, and yeah we're capturing something magical here and sharing it with the world. I hope when my 3rd-graders look back on their school memories, they'll think of Dale Creepy or Chandler in a 70s vintage dress I found in my closet. Chances are they won't remember the phonics skill sheets that we had to do, but they'll remember the moments they were simply allowed to be kids and the curious spontaneity that the state of being a child offers.
"When I was 17 my mother said to me, 'Don't stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die.'"
-Musician Trevor Powers of the band Youth Lagoon.
Schools suck without teachers like you.
ReplyDeleteLife is lame without cousins like you FOREST!
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